In this week's episode, Billy and Brian sit down with author, presenter, and professional wise-cracker Tom Cody--co-founder of Top 20 Strategies, to discuss what it means to live "above the line", "keep your day", and how to avoid becoming a crotchety old man or woman.
Like what you heard from Tom? Check out his books!
--Rebalanced Thinking, Rebalanced Living: Developing Your Inner Life through Social Emotional Learning
--Top 20 Parents
--Top 20 Teens
--Top 20 Teachers
--Why Students Disengage in American Schools and What We Can Do about It
Contact Tom at:
Email: tom@top20training.com
Twitter: @top20training
On the web: www.top20training.com
Thank you for listening to the Mindful Midlife Crisis!
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Topics you want us to cover?
Email: mindfulmidlifecrisis@gmail.com
Instagram: @mindful_midlife_crisis
Twitter: @mindfulmidlife
We hope you enjoy this week’s episode! If this episode resonates with you, please share it with your friends and family. If you’re really feeling gracious, you can make a donation to https://www.buymeacoffee.com/MMCpodcast. Your donations will be used to cover all of our production costs.
If we have money left over after covering our fees, we will make a donation to the Livin Foundation, which is a non-profit organization whose mission is to promote a positive outlook on life, reduce the stigma associated with depression/mental illness, and ultimately prevent suicide through various activities, events, & outreach.
In this week's episode, Billy and Brian sit down with author, presenter, and professional wise-cracker Tom Cody--co-founder of Top 20 Strategies, to discuss what it means to live "above the line", "keep your day", and how to avoid becoming a crotchety old man or woman.
Like what you heard from Tom? Check out his books!
--Rebalanced Thinking, Rebalanced Living: Developing Your Inner Life through Social Emotional Learning
--Top 20 Parents
--Top 20 Teens
--Top 20 Teachers
--Why Students Disengage in American Schools and What We Can Do about It
Contact Tom at:
Email: tom@top20training.com
Twitter: @top20training
On the web: www.top20training.com
Thank you for listening to the Mindful Midlife Crisis!
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Topics you want us to cover?
Email: mindfulmidlifecrisis@gmail.com
Instagram: @mindful_midlife_crisis
Twitter: @mindfulmidlife
We hope you enjoy this week’s episode! If this episode resonates with you, please share it with your friends and family. If you’re really feeling gracious, you can make a donation to https://www.buymeacoffee.com/MMCpodcast. Your donations will be used to cover all of our production costs.
If we have money left over after covering our fees, we will make a donation to the Livin Foundation, which is a non-profit organization whose mission is to promote a positive outlook on life, reduce the stigma associated with depression/mental illness, and ultimately prevent suicide through various activities, events, & outreach.
Please forgive any spelling/grammatical mistakes while we continue to update/edit
our transcriptions. Enjoy the show!
Billy Lahr: Thank you for taking the time to listen to the mindful midlife crisis podcast. We hope you enjoy this week's episode. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with your family and friends. We will do our best to put out new content every Wednesday to get you over the midweek hump. If you want episodes to be downloaded automatically to your phone each week, all you need to do is hit the checkmark subscribe, like or follow button depending on what podcast format you're using. While you're at it, feel free to leave our show a quick five star review with a few kind words so more people like you can easily find our show. If you're really enjoying the show and you want to help us out. Feel free to make a donation to www.buymeacoffee.com/MMCpodcast. That's www.buymeacoffee.com/MMCpodcast. You can also access the link in our show notes. We use the money from these donations to pay whatever expenses we incur from producing the show, but ultimately, we record this show for you. So if you keep listening, we'll keep recording and releasing new episodes each week. Regardless, if you'd like to contact us or if you have suggestions about what you'd like us to discuss on future episodes. Feel free to email us at mindfulmidlifecrisis@ gmail.com or follow us on Instagram @mindful_midlife_crisis. Be sure to check out the show notes for links to the articles and resources we referenced throughout the show. Thanks again for listening. May you feel happy, healthy, and loved. Enjoy the show.
Billy Lahr: Welcome to the mindful midlife crisis, a podcast for people navigating the complexities and possibilities of life second, join your hosts billion Brian, a couple of average dudes who will serve as your armchair life coaches as we share our life experiences both the good and the bad. In an effort to help us all better understand how we can enjoy and make the most of the life we have left to live in a more meaningful way. Take a deep breath, embrace the present and journey with us through the mindful midlife crisis.
Welcome to the mindful midlife crisis. I'm your host Billy and as always, I'm joined by my good friend Brian on the bass Brian, how you doing over there, man?
Brian Chelminiak: I am stunning today.
Billy Lahr: Oh, you look stunning as well.
Brian Chelminiak: Thank you very much sun can be interpreted in many ways. You know,
Billy Lahr: It's stunning outside, the weather has finally turned I feel good about that.
Brian Chelminiak: It is it’s gorgeous.
Billy Lahr: Although, how are you feeling about daylight savings time?
Brian Chelminiak: Why do we do this?
Billy Lahr: I don't understand it either. And it's something that like I was in a sleep groove and I was feeling really good. I finally was sleeping all the way through the night I use so I never thought that I would get into this but I use CBD oil to use CBD oil.
Brian Chelminiak: Oh yes.
Billy Lahr: Yeah, I'm a I'm a big fan. What CBD oil do you use?
Brian Chelminiak: I use the Chris hockey cherry tincture. Excellent. It’s it tastes amazing. It's by far Billy Lahr: the best flavored CBD I've ever had in my life. And it works great.
Billy Lahr: I use green compass CBD oil. And I learned about that through my friend Kristen brown who's actually going to be a guest on our show. At some point in time.
Brian Chelminiak: Yeah, mines made by cultivated industries. They have a bunch of different ones but hockey's cherry is my favorite.
Billy Lahr: And who's so Chris hockey. That's I know that name.
Brian Chelminiak: Yeah, he's on k fan. He's on the morning show.
Billy Lahr: Oh, yeah. We should be on the morning show.
Brian Chelminiak: Well, maybe eventually. He'll have a son. I don't know. We'll see. We got to get famous first though.
Billy Lahr: That's true. Chris hockey. If you're listening out there. Where are you guys?
Brian Chelminiak: Where are your mental health? Not experts.
Billy Lahr: Exactly. Exactly. So we're actually bringing I guess what we're going to call season one.
Brian Chelminiak: season one. Yeah, that's what they do in the biz.
Billy Lahr: Yeah, yeah. So we're going to bring what we're going to call season one to a successful conclusion with our 10th episode, and I feel good that we've produced 10 episodes so far, and we have a lot more on the way we're really excited. We have more guests who are on their way. I just feel good about what we've put out there for public consumption about you.
Brian Chelminiak: Oh, yeah, I feel great about it. Although I must admit when I'm listening to it, I critique myself quite harshly.
Billy Lahr: It's not the worst is just like, Oh, I should have said this. Or.
Brian Chelminiak: why didn't I say that? I you know that dummy. Say it.
Billy Lahr: Yeah, you know, here's the thing is the magic of editing makes us actually sound smarter than when we're recording.
Brian Chelminiak: [Inaudible 04:55] Hey, wait, I got to look that are. You sure you guys should see how much tape is on the cutting room floor right now? It’s deep.
Billy Lahr: So our plan is this, we would like to get you the listener more involved in our show, because ultimately, the purpose of our show is to help all of us, especially people who are in their middle ages live our best lives. And we would like to know whether or not this podcast is actually helping any of you do that very thing. And we've received a number of messages throughout the past two months. And we really, really appreciate each and every single one of those. In fact, what are one of our plans is, we want to switch things up in the segment breaks. And we want to read through those from time to time and share those and we won't share names, because obviously, they're very personal. But you know, just so that people can hear what other people think of the show and how the show has helped them. We will leave the meditation break in there, though, because a lot of people say that they love that one. So we're gone leave the meditation break in there. But we just wanted to say thank you for the feedback. Thank you for listening. And thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Some of you have also reached out and you have agreed to be guests on our show, because what we've discussed has resonated so strongly with you that you feel your own story may resonate with other listeners. And we just think that's awesome. As much as this podcast is a lot of fun for the two of us to record, what really makes it worthwhile is hearing from you. So if you've got an inspirational story to share with us, or you think you've got some valuable life experience to share with our listeners, we'd love to hear from you. During this week. Like we said, we're gone call it our first season these first 10 episodes, we're definitely still working out the kinks. There's kinks, especially when it comes to recording our guests. And this week's episode is no difference. We had the distinct honor of interviewing Tom Cody, who is an author and speaker for top 20 training, you can look them up at www.top 20 training, and he is an absolute Riot and he is such a joy to talk to I've had the honor of hearing him speak on multiple occasions. He describes himself as a recovering crotchety middle aged man, and he's now 69 years old. He's the happiest he's ever been. And when you listen to him, during this interview, you'll hear just how much crackling energy he has.
Brian Chelminiak: I like to describe him as a ray of grey haired sunshine.
Billy Lahr: Yes, that's a wonderful way. Yeah, he really is. He's so much fun, and he has so much energy. Fortunately for us, he actually does most of the talking in this episode, and his audio quality is just fine. Meanwhile, Brian and I are sitting over here with 1000s of dollars of recording equipment.
Brian Chelminiak: Check that 10s of 1000s of dollars.
Billy Lahr: But because we still have yet to figure out how to record our guests on zoom, we sound like we're recording from the bottom of a soup cat. So despite that, we're very excited to share with you our conversation with Tom Cody. Enjoy. Tom, thank you very much for being here today. We have Tom Cody here and we are very excited. We've already had a good chat so far. And Tom, you sounds like you're loose and ready to go on.
Tom Cody: Or I'm ready for I'm ready. Let's go.
Billy Lahr: Yeah. I was talking to you. Last week. I was joking around and said you know, we were talking about how to avoid being a crotchety old man. And I said we would bring on a crotchety old man and you corrected me? You said no, I was a crotchety old, middle aged person, and you're the happiest you've ever been now?
Tom Cody: Yeah, I'm in recovery. I'm crotchety recovery program, but at a time.
Billy Lahr: Well, that's a wonderful. So Tom, we ask all of our guests to talk about one or 10 roles that you play in your life. So can you talk about what the 10 rules are that you play in your life?
Tom Cody: Yeah, right now I guess I'd say grandfather, Father, Son, husband, educational revolutionary. Business Owner baseball fan, crossword puzzle solver. Indigo Girls fan, West Wing junkie.
Billy Lahr: Wow.
Tom Cody: That's probably kind of it.
Billy Lahr: It's so Brian and I are big music fans and an Indigo Girls talking about Indigo Girls.
Tom Cody: I don't know why I just started listening to Indigo Girls. They knocked me out of my off my feet and I just I don't know the harmony. They read Crosby, Stills and Nash are done. And so the next best thing knows Indigo Girls. I don't that’s a.
Billy Lahr: Good idea because they're spectacular. They really are there.
Tom Cody: I mean, you turn Galileo on and I'm outside my car like dancing. I'm one of the very few men who is big at it. I go to Indigo Girls concert. I'm like one guy there, and everybody else is under 1000 years old, so I don't fit in. But that's the thing.
Billy Lahr: That's awesome. That's awesome. I guess I want to pay you to be an Indigo Girls, man. So that's, that's a fun little tidbit about you.
Tom Cody: I come on in Connecticut at a high school. And they had my walk up music Indigo Girls, I don't know how they heard this. But they got actual walk up music into the theatre.
Billy Lahr: Well, we can fix that we can
Tom Cody: Next time. So
Billy Lahr: I took a baseball fan. I've actually been to all of the major league baseball stadiums. That was something that I wanted to do. Yeah. So if you ever get a chance, J Buckley baseball bus to take you wherever you want to go. Have you ever done that one before?
Tom Cody: Well, actually, we were Buckley's competition during the dome from 80 to 2010, I was part of a team that called ballpark tours. And we ran up against Buckley ours was like the renegade pirate tour. Buckley's were organized. They knew what time we were leaving ours were pirates, but we did a lot of Kaminski Wrigley old county Stadium, that was our big deal. I refuse to take my kids to the [Inaudible 11:26]. I'd rather watch them watch ballet than the crampy indoor baseball. So I was I was kind of a baseball revolutionary were protesting still 10 years after they built the dome. So outdoor baseball, I go to watch the dude drag the hose to water the infield. Like that's how sick I am.
Brian Chelminiak: Lots of you are very happy when they built Target Field that.
Tom Cody: Ecstatic. I wanted to pull the plunger on the dome, I volunteered. Baby went down. We had champagne. It was it was a nightmare. My children last three decades of baseball. I mean, that's a big deal. I couldn't you know, so I dragged my kids in an old beat up Cadillac down to Milwaukee all the time. You know.
Billy Lahr: That’s, I didn't realize that you had your little revolutionary. Yeah. That's awesome.
Tom Cody: So what's the worst company of all time?
Brian Chelminiak: It sounded like you guys focused on the fun and not the regiment of around.
Tom Cody: Well, what was? Yeah, not the regiment, but baseball. I mean, we had the baseball. Weirdo’s on that bus. I mean, these guys would talk about ted Kaczynski slugging average from 1950. I mean, there's a weird group affected.
Billy Lahr: So when you went to Milwaukee, was it county stadium still? Alright guys. Yeah. Before?
Tom Cody: No, no, no. In fact, we hit it Miller Park the first time we're down there, they close the airplane hangar on the top. And then it was like, Oh, yeah, we never again.
Billy Lahr: Oh, man. So we then ask our guests a lot of time or every time we have a guest we asked them, you know, what are you looking forward to in the second half of your life?
Tom Cody: Yeah. Second half. Let's stop. Billy alar. Next be 100 and firkin 38 when I die. He says the second half your life. I'm in overtime. This isn't even a fourth quarter. I mean. So, yeah, I mean, I don't know how many spins around the orbit I get. But for me, grandfather is probably number one. I you know, I father, my kids are all fine. I got a Broadway audio guy. I got a golf pro. Out in West St. Paul. And I got a high school math teacher. They're good.
Brian Chelminiak: They did well for yourself.
Tom Cody: Yeah, but I can move on now to Sam and Charlie and Lucy. That's probably my biggest deal. Now. That's probably my major role. I'm still wanting to get out. I'm all about education. And speaking about this stuff we're going to talk about tonight. That's right up there. And if I don't say husband, I'll be living in the street. So she not watching this. It's not how it's been. It's no, I'm sure it probably husband. You know,
Billy Lahr: Can you talk a little bit about your educational background? Because you know, you are a teacher for many, many years. So can you talk a little about that?
Tom Cody: I went to Colorado State got out of there in the early 70s with a math kind of math deal, and I didn't know what to do with it. So I kind of stumbled into teaching. I did seven years in middle school math than I did. 33 years cross the river at cretin, Dirham Hall, high school math. So I got my 40 and I was a sicko. I missed I had no sick days in 40 years. I'm an OCD dude. I mean, I showed up. And nobody said nobody said Tom way to go. By I thought it was a big deal. But I mean, as we'll get right into this 25 years or so, I was mentally a mess. I was a perfect AC t guy as a kid. I was valedictorian. I had all the brainpower you needed. But the mental part was there, but not the social emotional part. I was a mess by 47, 48, 49 years old and that's kind of the demographic we're talking to here. I was a disaster. I was a functional dysfunctional. I was my kids got high grades in the classroom, my basketball teams won every game. We I was functioning, but I was negative sarcastic. Tyrant in class, I see your nod. You all had a teacher like that you you're on him, because you're just going to get 40 lashes if you don't, you know, and it might be verbally, right. It might be make it funny, I was that guy. I was miserable.
Billy Lahr: And I can relate to it because I there was a time when I was that guy too. So I absolutely relate to it.
Tom Cody: And it was six they gave me like awards for that behavior. That was the Vince Lombardi male figure that was the bobby knight stuff I was growing up. Sure. I'm were mean, was like, sort of revered. And it was I couldn't understand why I wasn't sleeping. I was my marriage. Just okay. As a dad, I wasn't very good. That's why I want to get back to these grandchildren. And kind of atone for my fathering. I mean, I we got great kids. It's mostly because of my wife, Judy. I mean, I was absent I was busy with I wanted to achieve accomplished accumulate, accumulate. Say that again, for the audience. The male brain or my brain was taught you achieve accumulate and accomplish. Meanwhile, the fourth A, which is what you are, sorry, I wasn't paying attention to that. So I became this guy I didn't like, but I had a bunch of stuff. You know, I had stuff I had a Hall of Fame, basketball and teacher, this teacher that and I taught AP calculus. So I thought it was good teachers, everybody did well, in AP calculus. Hello. What a monkey in there. The kids will get a four on the AP anyway. I mean, these kids went to Mandarin camp when they were two. And I thought I was really a good teacher. See, kids are really smart, you know? So I had an OH MY GOD, Aha. In my late 40s.
Billy Lahr: Yeah, can you possibly what that What was that? Like, what?
Tom Cody: But that's why we're here. That's why you're here. You wouldn't have asked me to talk if I yeah, that turned into this crappy old guy. I mean, I, I got lucky. I was in the right place at the right time. It wasn't an alcohol thing. It wasn't a religious thing. It wasn't a spiritual thing. I was sitting at conferences, and a couple mom and dad sat down and told me their daughter hated my guts. And that they said they were doing some of this work we're going to talk about tonight around mindfulness in the business world, and particularly beauty salons, like hair cutting for women. And they had become these predominant. I mean, they're the dominant force in the country of training. Style is not to be creepy and crotchety. So I thought, what is this? I was just curious. I don't know why I asked. But then they showed me a couple things on a piece of paper. And we ended up going to coffee Two days later, and my head exploded and my life changed.
Billy Lahr: And this is the Cole’s right.
Tom Cody: Now the coals see, oh, yeah, the Michael and Mary Cole, whose name appear on some of our stuff, they were co-authors with us early. And it wasn't just them, they showed me the stuff. And then we started with, we're going to do this for kids. And we're going to do this for ninth grade elective. And we're going do this for parents at the whole time as always them. And I had no idea that I was a target. Like, I still thought I'm a really good teacher, I can make this above the line stuff. Amazing, you know, wall, the target was me. And it took me about eight months to figure that out. Because I was sharing all their stuff with kids then and think I can we got a really cool elective course here. So just started with ninth graders in 1999 2000. It blossomed, it the numbers grew. Then we had a parent night and a couple of parents were teachers actually in Burnsville district, and they were interested in like, Can you do this for our staff? And I'm like, this is a kid thing. And they said, No, there's a teacher thing is an adult thing. As a parent thing, this is a life thing. You found nitroglycerin. Now, you don't put it in a ninth grade. Elective. That's not enough. You got to get this out to the world. We have no idea.
Billy Lahr: For the listeners. Can you explain a little more around mindfulness and what exactly the program was just fill them in a little bit. And yeah, it's just thinking about your thinking. I mean, if you take psych 101, it's called metacognitive. It means Brian is metacognitive. He Brian has the ability to do thinking and then Brian can also think about his thinking. That's the like elevator version of this. Now markets don't look at a Market. They're funny animal and they're like, they don't they just think and they do they want to eat, they eat and they fall asleep standing up. Markets are I don't think are metacognitive. But neither are most of the adult human beings in this country. Nobody is aware of what they're thinking is doing enough to change their thinking. That's amazing. 5000 people ran at the Capitol with antlers on and spears, I mean, somebody's got to say to themselves, this is not a great idea. I mean, right now, the country isn't bad in the America is not mindful right now. And to a micro, we have to take care of ourselves, this is so important. So we called it I could get into all the above the line, the frame, we got 30 of these lessons we do in our group is called top 20 training. Because we got this top 20 brain. And we got this bottom at brain. I don't know why a dumb name for a company is. But that's what we named our company.
Billy Lahr: What I remember is doesn't have something to do with 20% of the population can influence 80% of the population.
Tom Cody: And that was a stupid way to name the company, because that's exactly why it's called the Pareto principle in Italy, where 20% of the people owned 80% of the land. And we thought that was cute, but has nothing to do with. So it came off as well. 20% of people are mindful and 80% art, we're like, No, no, no, stop. Tom, here sometimes is mindful. That's called my top 20 brain. And sometimes I'm clueless. Because now, I don't know about the percentages of the number again, dumb name. But that's 20 years ago. That's our name. So.
Billy Lahr: when you talk about anytime I've heard you speak, you said we all have the ability to be top 20s. And we all have the ability to be bottom atheists, top 20 is live above the line, and they visit below the line. And bottom 80 is live below the line. And they visit above the line. So can you talk about what that means? Right?
Tom Cody: `As long as you're there. Okay, so there's this line, Billy Lahr has this line. What is thinking is working, we call that above line, it doesn't mean happy, you could be above the line at a funeral. Okay. Below the line, your thinking is not working for you, your bikes broken, you could be below the line at somebody's birthday party. It's not about being happy or sad. It's just is your thinking working in this moment right now and serving you in your best interest. It's that simple. Now, up till age 47. I was almost I was a resident below the line. And it wasn't quick disclaimer for all of you. Listen, we're not talking about trauma or mental illness here. I had neither of those. I did not lose my house in a hurricane in New Orleans. That's traumatic. I was choosing to be upset about referees and traffic jams. And some kid came in tardy or some farted in class. And I'd go nuts about this. I mean, I was chosen that life. And then you want to hear the whole line call me. They'll give you the info. But we got that I got 90 minutes can get you the whole above the line. And we can talk about invitations and trampolines and all these things that go with. It changed my life. I'm telling you. If I talk about this too much, I'm gone need Kleenex. I I can't imagine that I lived without knowing that and you say, well, it's just a metaphor. Wake up, you idiot. I mean, it's just mindfulness. Yeah. But that we gave it a seventh grade. Simple to understand package for people to understand of choosing. And again, choose its choice, choosing your existence. I'm just going to tell you straight up. You’re if you're listening, look at me. You can just decide to be happier that you can and one time a 14 year old boy left class he came back he goes, how can it be that simple? I said just try it. He goes, why aren't you a millionaire? Like why? And I said, well, duh, you just decide that winter doesn't suck. Just decide that the Lowery tunnel is hopeless. It's always hopeless. If you want to get upset every time you go through the Lowery tunnel. It's always jammed and jacked. And they've tram five lanes and a tool and think it's gone work. I mean, I'm better in the Lowery tunnel. Everybody's freaking out about the pandemic. I didn't love it. Look at me. I'm OCD. I hated it. But I'll tell you what, I kept trying to think what my choice is? What's my choice grandchildren, grandchildren, focus families, zoom, figure out zoom. You know what else we did in the in the spring? The four of us with our company, once George Floyd deal hit. We took four months and said let's try to make our stuff more equitable. We're stuck nobody's hiring us. All What? Why don't we use this time to Right, create improve. That is so not me in the 80s.
Brian Chelminiak: Can you give the elevator pitch on what those discussions were like and what you have kind of talked about in terms of equitable experiences when it comes to top 20?
Tom Cody: Well, we talked about above the line that's coming from a 69 year old white guy who was born on third base in Falcon heights, Minnesota. So now, what we've tried to do is try to get the lens for the other folks of, we're just well, first of all, we just got better at owning it. I'm just gone stand up and say, Look, this is my lens. Here's where it comes from. I'm going to own my male privilege. And if you're out there thinking you don't have privilege, and you're a white male, wake the hell up. Give me a break. I mean, and if that thing didn't wake us up last spring, I don't know what's going to wake you up. We got so much work to do.
Bill Lahr: Yeah, that's a, it's funny, I had to, that's one of the things that I kind of had to do a one at a time, because I remember getting defensive when that idea of white privilege came up, and I would look for the holes in it. And then finally, it I can't remember, like, what shifted, but it was just the realization that there are certain things that I don't have to worry about as a white male. And it just, finally I was like, Oh, I get it now. And I remember, I remember it just kind of its washed over me like a like a, like a shower. You know, it just it was just like, Oh, I get it. Now I finally I finally realize this, but I had to be open to the idea rather than getting so defensive about it and having a visceral reaction when someone would say it to me.
Tom Cody: I had the same deal. I went through the same thing, defense defensive all your male bashing. I'm not interested in male bashing. You know, male bashing I let me just speak for my gender for a minute. We need a little bashing. I mean, in the questionnaire before this thing, he says what's a male brain versus a female brain in like, teenage years and so on? I mean, come on the fourth grade girls are 38 years old fourth grade boys are eating their burgers. In high schools even. Yeah, I can't believe we'd let 16 year old boys drive. That's dumb. All right, I would let a 16 year old girl take a driver's license test. Boys I'd try about 25 why think of Alamo enterprise? Hertz? No cards, are you 25 they're the only people in America that understand brain science. Instead, we like to go fight in the army at 18 smoke cigarettes bipod whatever. But you can't rent a car to Alamo. I mean, there's something why because frat guys are still throwing lawn chairs and a bonfires. And I'm not giving you my car, says Alamo. I mean, it's so obvious now. On the back end of my life. There's something that God knows ladies, if you're listening, you'll test this the guys catch up. Eventually they catch up we rally sometimes that's a long time. But yeah, but it's maybe its people hopefully before midlife. But.
Billy Lahr: how do you see that manifests? Then when you do presentations in schools?
Tom Cody: Well, its tougher sell our stuffs a tougher sell for students who are males because tough guy emotions, you know, I'm strong. I don't need this crap. You know, it's a tougher sell to a ninth grade boy than an eighth grade girl. It's just developmentally they're two different beings. So we have some tricks. And we, we always try to when we're if I'm teaching this to ninth grade class, I'm immediately finding the toughest dude in the room. And finally, we have the kid’s right a little bit the other week. I'm reading his the very next Monday. Even if it's crap, I'm pretending it's like a Pulitzer Prize stuff. And then he looks at goes, Oh, okay. And then his body is like, well, Bill's into this, I guess I'll listen. But her stuff is soul. It's just so you're not all the time. When we talk. You're just its internally valid.
Billy Lahr: It's really a lot of common sense. But then it goes back to that old saying if common sense is so common way, you know, fire some people still screwed up that sort of thing. And it is like what I've read through your books. It's just like, yeah, this this makes total sense. And you already such a…
Tom Cody: Nobody's ever disagrees. Nobody ever raised their hand. I just prefer negativity, like, just like, you know, we go in to do these trainings. People like follow your to your car, and they're like, dude, when can you come back? You're cheaper than my therapist. I mean, it's simple, it's internally valid. It makes sense. And it nobody sets out to Be a crotchety old middle aged lady in a classroom as a teacher or a business hate your job. It's just so simple but it's so hard now by the way don't make I don't want this to sound like I figured it out I got the old demons man I got stuff in my closet that comes out every day I got old habits. You don't just switch hands brushing your teeth at 48 years old, and then you're good to go. I pick up the toothbrush with the other hand on them.
Billy Lahr: Great analogy. One of my favorite quotes is from Eddie Vetter from Pearl Jam and he says that guy that you used to be is in the car with you and will always be in the car with you. But under no circumstances should you allow him to get back behind the wheel even if he's kicking and screaming.
Tom Cody: Right and there's a book I want to plug not our stuff here but let me plug shirzad Shameen i think is spelled ch a m i n and last name, positive intelligence. And he talks about the sage in the saboteur. In the old Disney movies, it was a devil and an angel that were always Tom swear at everybody and the angels like no just take a breath you know, but Sage in Tom, we want the stage driving, not the saboteur the saboteur lies to the saboteurs says, screaming children motivates them. That's what saboteur’s city and the sage goes, don't do that. And I used to lose all the time I used to fight. The sage was there. But the saboteurs had been like working out. So they beat the crap out of my stage. I would lose all the time. Don't yell at the ref. But then I like yell at refs. But I was clever. I didn't get that many technical I should have been. Oh my god, I was bad.
Billy Lahr: Well, one of my favorite stories that you've told is you called timeout. And the
Tom Cody: Year 60 30. The guy goes, do you want to 60 or 30 and I had it with him. I screamed top of my lungs, Minneapolis. North Jim is right. Did this. I said I don't know. I called it for you. Three take as long as you need. We're just gone kill. You want to start the circus again? You ever been thrown out of the gym? Minneapolis north. Not a great deal. Yet find a bus? I mean, these stories throw true. I mean, I I did this crap. And I have no excuse. I wish all the if anybody's listening that had me in class. I'm sorry. I mean, if you had me after 1999 you’re welcome.
Billy Lahr: Did you know you know? Was there an affirmation? Like were there some kids who found that cruelty to be funny? And that was at a reinforcement for you like you live? Got an audience?
Tom Cody: I absolutely. Guess what I coach like 61 girls and basketball. They're all fine. They're like crazy parents, like almost every day one athlete, right? And they thrive to that stuff. They say keep it up. I'm tough. Well, I coach 61 athletes, right? How many were not done athletes? Hundreds. These are 16 year old girls, that I'm really emotionally abusing it. Why? Because we're going to get the rebound. And by the way, we got every rebound and every free throw for 22 years. Because they're petrified not to. Of course, we're gone beat you it was that. You know, we're going to come in at 6am if we lose for practice, I mean, it was that kind of nonsense. So yeah, short term, accumulate, achieve accomplish long term. They don't speak to me. I had a 25 win team, I had a 25 ci talk. I had a 25 win team in 1993. Hardly talked to anybody on that team. If they see me at the State Fair, they cross the street. I mean, it's what did I become? You know, I, that was way. That was a perfect example of what I didn't want to be, especially later in my life, I don't want to be that guy.
Billy Lahr: That hits home for me, because I, I think I still battle with responding in that way. And I think just because in my role at my school, is that the 13 years that I've been there, seven of them, I taught in the alternative program. And those students were coming in with all sorts of academic and behavioral and social emotional needs. And like, I wasn't necessarily in the best mindset to, to, to be a pillar of support for them at all times. So and like even now, as a dean, I'm always working with students when they are at their worst and when you when you make when you call home, you're dealing with parents who are shocked and maybe they respond in a way where it's like, you're going after my kid, that sort of thing. And so I for me, it's really difficult. To step back from time to time, because I get wrapped up in the emotion of it, I'm very much emotionally driven. And I'm like, I struggle with that. And we, you said something last week that just slapped me in the face when you talked about burnout and how burnout has everything to do with who you surround yourself with. And I'd like to take a break right now and I want to come back and talk about that when we're back. So thank you all for listening to the mindful midlife crisis with Brian and Billy and Tom Cody.
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Billy Lahr: Welcome back to the mindful midlife crisis. We are here talking to top 20 strategy guru, Tom Cody. Tom once again, thank you for being here. We finished off the last segment talking about burnout. And you had you had said something to me last week that really stuck with me. When you talk about how burnout isn't a real thing. It's about who you're surrounding yourself with. So can you talk a little bit more about that?
Tom Cody: Yeah, cuz if you're a midlife person right now and you're in you think well, I'm burned out. I'm burned out as a dentist or a Realty. It's got nothing to do with your age. It isn't like you're burned out because you're 47 See, I was burned. I was fried at 26 I was so burned at 26 how am I sounding tonight at 69 years old? Do I sound burned out?
Billy Lahr: You sound like you got a lot of pepper and a lot of energy.
Tom Cody: I'll get on a plane to the north pole of Santa wants to training tomorrow. By the way, Tom at top 20 trading calm Santa, that's Tom at top to zero training calm. I was so burned out in my 20s and 30s. It's all about negativity. If you hang out in negativity, and if your job requires you to do a lot of work around negative people, very common to get burned. But I just different night in my 30s and 40s. The crew I was hanging with not such a snappy group. When I look back, I won't get into what they were doing. Lately, I hang out with a guy named like Paul Burnaby and top 20 he makes Gandhi look like kind of an ahold Alright.
Billy Lahr: I have met I've met me is amazed.
Tom Cody: Like, you know, somebody cuts us off. And Paul goes well, let's be curious. You know, let's it you know you don't know their story. I mean, that's, that's how this guy thinks. And I've been hanging with him for 22 years. That's a different. It's hard to be burned out. When you're surrounding yourself with positive people positive. We're writing positive books, we're thinking about positive mindset. The best therapy for me is when I go to a training, because I do six hours at a business or a school. And basically I'm talking to myself for six hours. I'm training 200 people, and I'm telling jokes for the microphone. But I'm mindful the whole time of God. I got to practice this. I got I'm giving myself the pep talk. You know, the other one it's right behind me here on this poster. Keep your day if you're Yeah, if you're struggling with burnout and you're like you hate you just pick the next day. Tomorrow. It's called March 6. Okay, and I don't know when this is going to air but just pick the next day. Don't let anybody get your day. I'm not gone let negativity get me Laurie tunnels down.
Getting a target checkout lady who doesn't know what a avocado is you're like, Ah, you know, she's not getting my day. I'm not getting I'm not getting my day away to. If I'm a teacher, I'm not going to freak out about a tardy kid. If I'm in a loving relationship, and my partner is a mess, not my circus, not my monkeys today. I'll listen and be empathetic. But I'm not giving away my day to my wife to my grandkids. I'm just not doing that. And especially at my age 669 I can't be given them away. I don't know how many I got left in my bingo hopper here. So now you're 48 or whatever. I don't think you can afford to be doing it either.
Billy Lahr: I'm 43 so I'm tired. Are you over ageing me? You call me 47 and 48 now I'm 40 I'm gone do I look it up. If I look 48 over this zoom call right here. I'm Brian. We're gone work on a filter.
Brian Chelminiak: You got to make up for something.
Tom Cody: At least got the fake ID is Hey, no, but keep your day don’t give your day away to nonsense but again, we're not talking about trauma here. You lose your dad to COVID will keep your day No, it's awful. But let's stop freaking out about in Minnesota people give me a break well in December its dark. It's really dark. You see it's dark and cold and dark. Yeah, you're full you live here. You know what's your next December to stop giving your day away and the Vikings all the Vikings Kirk Cousins Shut up. I mean, they're never gone win the thing. Get over it and move on. Just find something else to do.
Billy Lahr: I've made my peace with Minnesota sports teams, but I have yet to make my peace with Minnesota winters. And so sometimes Tommy see things to me. And I feel like you've been spying on me for years and years and years just to say these things so that they hit me deep in my soul so that I'm like.
Brian Chelminiak: No, I got to say as a Packers fan. The Vikings make me very happy for you.
Tom Cody: Good for you.
Brian Chelminiak: Yeah, they don't wreck my game very often.
Tom Cody: Yeah. And a Green Bay guy here is not getting my day. Nice. I'm telling you what it you know, I used to be the most generous man in Minnesota. Because I would give my day away to everybody. I was given my date of basketball reps. I was given my day away to slouchy kid in class. I mean, I was constantly just given it away. Harder to get my now you could still do it. But it's just tougher. I'm a little more like, nope.
Brian Chelminiak: And yeah. You guys have buttons, right that you can buy. You got buttons galore that people can buy. Can you talk we have buttons. There we go. They've got keep your day buttons.
Tom Cody: Cool. Cool. Part of these are made by special kids in special at a high school Irondale High School. They make them for us. And they got a machine and they publish them. But all our little catchphrases. Be curious, keep your day live above. We got these $1 bugs. If you ever see us, we'll probably have a bag of those of you on one give us $1 and it goes to the kids that Irondale so it's been a cool thing.
Billy Lahr: That's great. We should give some of those away with that. Sign us up for 10 or 20 of them. And we'll buy them because it's a great cause. And they're on their website. Yeah, buy some
Tom Cody: Yeah, there. But we might be out of luck. I don't know if we got enough right now we get them to because they're out of business. They're not in school, but right. Oh, you might be down since COVID hit. But we'll find some for you. You know, but I just I really want to what you're doing right now, is so important. I just want to emphasize that again, you're talking to somebody, whoever's listening out there, you got, you're at a crossroads here listening tonight, you can continue to make the choice to just keep doing it the way you're doing it. And Einstein calls that insanity. You think you're gone get different results with the same kind of thinking, you got to change this to change that, by the way I'm playing now I'm in radio, you got to change this inside life. To change the outside life. I used to try to do an opposite, I would try to fix the outside in order to make the inside better. That's, that's terrible thinking that it doesn't work. I'll be happy when the Vikings win the Super Bowl, I'll be happy when it's 72 degrees in January in St. Paul, you can do that. And I did it forever. And a day. I just I'm done with that formula. I'm going inside out, not outside in.
Brian Chelminiak: It's fantastic because that again seems so simple, but it's so powerful.
Billy Lahr: And it can be hard to if you've been living the opposite for such a long time if your default is to go Yeah, the toothbrush analogy, you when you default to the negative which a lot of us do because it's actually part of our survival is that we default to the negative that's where our amygdala is a little too strong. For us, and it's important for us to be developed our prefrontal cortex.
Tom Cody: But watch, Billy, you're living in the most negative culture in the history of the planet. Comedy and America is so negative. And I Chris Rock's funny and certain lives funny, but they're just they're mean social media. Yeah, social media is negative. Professional sports has got to be absurdly negative. The government is a joke. I mean, I don't care if you're a donkey or an elephant, or red or blue. You got to be kidding me. Yep. This US Senate. And I don't know if it's going to change in the next four years less. I'm not going to argue politics with you. Only that Washington DC is the center of negativity.
Brian Chelminiak: Absolutely.
Tom Cody: And so why are we negative? And then I hate it when you're talking about kids are negative these days teens are negative. No, they're not. They're just growing up in a lake full of pollution. And they smell funny. Well, yeah, cuz we're raising them in this lake. That's why it's so important. If you think in a night about making a shift in your mindset, that's going to shift a whole lot more than just you will start cleaning up the lake. What if What if this and I'll tell you what social emotional learning whatever you're calling this stuff tonight, social Sal social emotional learning is sweeping the nation high schools are figuring it out. They're watching kids with straight A's fail at life and thinking what are we missing?
Billy Lahr: You talk a lot about IQ and EQ. And, and how you would rather have someone with a high EQ as opposed to a high IQ, because the person with high EQ emotional quotient emotional intelligence is going to be able to interact and socialize and think and communicate and learn above the line more often than somebody who has a low EQ.
Tom Cody: Yeah, and I'm the poster boy for high IQ, low EQ coming out of college and into my life. I could tell you all 50 capitals, I was just bad at listening. Alright, I could I can do the quadratic formula in my head. I was just bad at like collaborating. Now which one's more important in the 2021 job market? A lot of you listening are looking to hire people like this. You don't care about IQ, frankly, in the job market. Because everybody gets this stuff on Wikipedia, Google Chrome book monkey key or whatever they're doing. They'll figure it out. If I need to learn how to work, what you do at work, I'll figure it out. I'm not trying to oversimplify being a doctor lawyer. I get it. There's stuff their skills. But everybody who gets fired or let go, it's all about the EQ. You never get rid of a nurse because she's bad at like shots. I mean it. She's just a knucklehead emotionally, and see a movie out of the hospital. I mean, this generation of kids is getting into a time where the careers haven't even been invented yet. What are they going to need to succeed, mindfulness, and before midlife, because you're not going to get any money any other way. Unless you're good at bank robbery. You need to get a career, who's going to hire you. In a job market where there are no jobs. You have to be entrepreneurial. If you're not. If you don't have the right mindset, you can't be entrepreneurial.
Billy Lahr: It says here the National Association of Colleges employers has identified career readiness as the attainment and demonstration of requisite competencies that broadly prepare college graduates for a successful transition into the workplace. And this is what they want people to graduate from college knowing how to do critical thinking and problem solving, oral written communication, teamwork and collaboration, digital technology, leadership, professionalism and work ethic, career management and global and intercultural fluency.
Tom Cody: I want to I want to accent collaboration. Edison did light bulb as just Edison, the Wright brothers two guys flew that that's never gone happen. Three M is not inventing stuff with one lady in a room. You can't work I don't like my lab partner says every kid in every high school Well, too bad that's more important than the science you're learning. Tom Say that again. The lab partner and trying to get along with a knucklehead lab partner is more important than phosphorus mixes with calcium. That's the skills but we got to remind kids we got to remind adults this that there's so we call them star qualities and top 20 I got to develop persistence, willpower self-discipline, that's all I need to get hired. That's all I need to be happy. And if you don't have that stuff, mindfulness doesn't help you much because you got to you got to also have the grit, the resilience the I got it, I got to develop this stuff. And if I didn't do it at 18 maybe I'd do it at 45 you know, I wouldn't recommend my path. But it's better than beating your head on a rock and sand Jesus still hurts when I hit my head on the rock. Well, try something different.
Brian Chelminiak: At least you made it you headed that direction.
Billy Lahr: And I think that's why I admire you so much time because I listened to the stories that you tell from when you were in your 20s and 30s in your early 40s. And it's like, Man that that's, that's me in a nutshell. Like, that's, that's all the things that I used to do. And I feel like I'm transitioning into, like a more top 20 mindset, like, I'm not there complete. Yeah. And like, nobody is right and I just, you know, I'm edging my way to that I'm still neurotic, anxious mess much of the time and, and the number of times that I create a story or a you know, narrate a story in my head and get worked up about something that's never even happened. It's never even happened. It's not even a situation that I'm facing. But I've created something you guys talk about tornadoes of negativity of like, I create Nate tornadoes and negativity just with my own thoughts. And it's like, oh, gosh, so I really, really made a concentrated effort to, to slow those thoughts down so they don't spiral into a whirlwind of, of toxicity.
Tom Cody: Let me give you the 10 second version of what you just said, not now. But you get a note from the assistant principal at a high school, come see me. The kid goes, oh my god, I'm expelled. I'm going to be living in a van down by the river, whatever. You start making up all this stuff. Not Know, our stuff is not complicated. Just get the heck but it takes a habit you got to you got to keep it's buried behind me. Now. You got it. You got it. I'm a better and better at that. No, all this person didn't return a phone call. I bet they aren't going to hire me. Not Know, let the problem be the problem. Tom, there's going to be a problem maybe well, let's wait and see what the problem is. It requires strength to I want to say a word about strength isn't we're talking about the male brain. And last week on your show or whatever. Everybody wants to be strong, whether you're female or male, but there's a male Neanderthal image of strength. See, mindfulness is strength, emotional strength for males. Sensitivity, strength, intellectual strength, mental strength, you think you're gone be able to raise a kid? Because you got good biceps? I mean, you can hold them up when he's 10. I guess that's about it. But he won't probably be around if you don't have emotional mental. It's all I can't say that word. It's hard to raise kids as a man in this society. And by the way, my dad He didn't even participate in I was somewhat absent. You to sitting here listening tonight. It's a different deal. You're in charge of these kids, these families if you have a family with kids, but you kind of have the other kind of strength. And I don't think we're I think that's what mindfulness creates is this idea that males can cry at the end of West Wing. Okay. Males can watch Marley die in the movie, and what's her name that but dog and .
Brian Chelminiak: Wait, wait, I haven't seen that.
Tom Cody: Yeah. I'm serious. If you watch my dog, Marley River, that movie Marley and me, and you're not crying when they put them under the tree and a whole, there's something wrong with you.
Brian Chelminiak: Last week, last week, I broke down talking about my own dog. So that's,
Tom Cody: That's, that's foreign news to the people older than me. They're like, Oh, God, I just got some in my eye. I mean, that's weakness. That's weakness. When you're when you aren't appropriate, with your mental approach to what's going on. There’s times where you, sob. I mean, there's times where we laugh. There's times we cry. I mean, you know, it's, oh.
Billy Lahr: I think about how ahead of his time Jimmy v was when he talked about you know, the three up slowly, old days, you laugh, you cry, and you spend time and thought.
Tom Cody: yeah, and he's ahead of me, he was right on, you know, and at the time, I heard him speak and said, Oh, that sounds soft. But after his passing, and I look back, and I watched that show, and I'm bawling like a baby now. And I get it. And again, it's metacognitive it's what am I thinking? And is that serving me? Can I think about my thinking and I don't want to beat that in the ground. But it's pretty easy,
Brian Chelminiak: but you should because a lot of people don't get it yet. So you know, as you were saying earlier.
Tom Cody: And I like Dr. Phil's deal. Somebody goes I just prefer nega I go well, how's that going for you? Dude, I mean, cool. I mean, see, I don't ever jam this down anybody's throat. If there's a kid that says I just, I'm happy. We're fine. Goodbye life. We'll see you later. I mean, this is not for everybody. It is for everybody. But not everybody is ready to drink. I got Cool Aid. Some people are thirsty. Okay, I'll leave the picture. I mean, I'm not going to fight you on this. I'd rather move on to the next business the next school. Okay, you know, because I was that guy.
Brian Chelminiak: Well it is something that the person has to internalize. It's not something somebody can hand you they can suggest it to you. But it's not something you have to internalize it.
Tom Cody: Here's another Cody ism. What I'm offering tonight is not inside, it's outside. You're listening to me in your car, wherever. You're just hearing this old man give you outsides. Nothing happens with the show tonight. Till you have the insight. It, it just doesn't is of knowing your parents gave you outsides. You know, don't date her. Like, don't, you know, they told you all kinds of crap, you know, and you didn't until it hit you know, that's a parent's right. Like I gave you all the greatest insights in the world. No, you didn't. Because I don't agree with any of it. But as soon as it hits you and you own it. It's yours. Like, I can't get rid of this. No, I can't. I don't know if you can hear me clear enough. Once you get this into your skull and into your, into your heart. It's not going it's not like you forget how to be happy. Hmm, true story. There was a night in 2001. I was about a year and a half into this. I couldn't sleep the whole night. Because I was too happy. My reason what made you so happy? Everything just my life. One guy said to me to get the dude that was turning me on to this, my mentor said you're gone find prosperity like you've never had before. And I go, what does that mean? He goes, mental, spiritual, and financial. This is going to make you emotionally rich, you're also going to make a crap tone of money doing this? Because America's dying for this. I was like, No, I'm just a teacher making 38 five with a Master's whatever. Holy smokes. You know, I I'm not blowing my horn here. I'm talking about the content. We've hit the national stage we this stuff is, is out there. Now. I get to presented Dakar, Senegal, two or three years ago. Why don't we come over to an internationalist? I'm like, what am I doing? I'm getting on a plane at JFK, with my crappy t shirt on thinking I didn't see this coming. And I'm not trying to tell you I'm a big deal. I'm not a big deal. But sort of a big deal. People, they just like it. And again, a lot of our works in school. But I want to make a pitch to you people in business. I could come in and do this with your people. I'm telling you, and I won't save all of them. But I guarantee you got a tom Cody, on your staff right now I guarantee there's so much is waiting. There's somebody just waiting to get that insight. And if they do, it's gone be worth it.
Billy Lahr: I can speak from personal experience that your books and like I look forward every time you're in the building. I go every time you're doing a zoom meeting with our staff, I go I look so forward to it. Because it's interesting. It's kind of like you talked about Yeah, I could, I could pay, you know, $150 to see a therapist every month, or I can drop $20 on your book and read that. Every time I start dipping below the line and I start, it almost feels like I'm paying rent down there. And it's like, No, no, I need to, I need to move out and purchase property above the line here. Anytime I've heard you present. It has always been you've talked about trampolines just to kind of bounce me back up above there. And I think it's important for people to stop and do like an emotional inventory. Where are you at? Because you can't if you're moving too fast. I think that's also where mindfulness comes into. If you're moving too fast, and you're constantly in doing mode, like what Sara del beech talked about episodes ago, if you're constantly in doing mode, then you can't stop and do that emotional inventory and then you miss out on what you talked about is taking those outsides and turning them into insights.
Tom Cody: I use in my old days I drive by caribou. And I'm going to five basketball practices. I'm going to do this do that. And I drive by and some dude sitting there looking at the sky. And I was just thinking to myself, what is wrong with that guy? Is he got some mental problems? No, the guy in the car had mental problems. That guy's watching clouds now. It was 2000 I think 2000 2001 right when I was this was hit me. I went to Italy for like three months and just sat there. It was unbelievable. I had no idea I even had that in me. I can do a morning at a coffee shop. Don't I can be alone. By the way. 69 you're alone a lot. I got news for you. People looking forward to this retirement thing. God is doing something else. You don't want to be with me all the time. You do A lot of walking around the neighborhood. So you better be okay. And get your head on straight, cuz you're going to spend a lot of time in the six inch space between your ears. And if you're not doing it, now you're going to do it down the road. Get ready, I can do that now I can be okay with me. And just me being me. And that's a skill if I didn't have that down, you know?
Brian Chelminiak: How important is it for you to continue doing your conferences and engaging people about this topic because last week, we talked about the importance of, especially as we age that we continue to do things that we love and we continue to socialize because if we don't, those brain cells, they atrophy.
Tom Cody: Yeah. Well, number one, this pandemic cost me a year business wise. I mean, I didn't get to go to Cleveland or let alone to car Senegal. I mean, there was almost no business. So I was forced into the inside world. And I lost. I lost that. And it really, you know, people say, well, you really want to go out and keep doing this. The answer is yes. I miss it. I miss Delta. I miss cancelled flights in Tucson. I mean, you're like what? Well, because it gets me to share this with people. I do have a shelf life. Although I think I can do what I do in a Stephen Hawking deal. I can. I don't, I'm not roughing houses here. You know. So I could do this for a while until I lose my mind here, which will have watching my mom go through that right now. It's going to happen at some point. But no, I'm, I'm just getting warmed up Sparky. I, I want to do this. I feel like the guy who gave this Michael when he gave it to me, said I'll make one deal. One deal. That's all you got to do is promise bigger and pass it on? Because he had been given this gift from somebody else. And he gave, he has no idea. I tell him all the time, but he still has no idea how profound that gift was to me, and I'll never pay it back. Because I burned so many bridges in my youth I got a lot of atoning to do. And some of it involves going to mine not North Dakota. Okay, that's it's not as exotic as Africa. But I fly to mine. I'm I could vote in mine. I'm up there so much. Did I plan to be big and might not know, but they think, oh, Tom's here, you know, I mean, and it's fun, and it feels good for your ego and self-esteem. But I'm way past that now. When I first started doing this, I love the applause it's Oh, Tom's funny. Yeah, great. That's nice. What is it doing for you know, I just like my teaching career used to be all about me. When I figured it out, it was all about the students. I used to be all into teaching later, I turned it into, I was more interested in learning. Same arc of my top 20 career first was all about me, they're given me money, they're given me a plane ticket. This is so cool. But you do that for a while. It's like it's not enough for you. It's what am I helping these people become? That's, that's my deal. That's what I want to do for a while.
Billy Lahr: Well, and we want to make sure that we spread the word, just how amazing you are. And that, you know, with a with a simple visit to your website, that they can get this. They can get the show in live and in person, or they can get the books. Can you just talk about what you all have to offer terms of conferences and books, and whatever else you've got going on? Go ahead and promote yourself? I
Tom Cody: Would I would promote two things because I know a lot of you are not involved in education. If it's if you're into education. You need us yesterday. You need me yesterday at your school, because the schools I mean, my god professional development in schools is so bad. It's either the epi pen lady, the insurance guy or blood borne pathogens. And so people say you're the best PD we ever had. Well, the bars low. Right. So forget schools for a minute. What I would push for you is our latest book is rebalance thinking rebalance living. It's got nothing to do with education. This one is written for plumbers and sister in laws and dads and moms this is it’s called rebounds thinking rebalanced, living mindfulness rebalanced. You can get that stuff on the website. Its top 20, training calm. And then for trainings, a lot of you're in businesses, I would love to have you give me a yell and maybe you're interested in doing your bank staff or your I don't know if you're on a fitness club, or if you got folks that Nita. Just clean the head a little bit and just get it. And by the way, you're thinking of firing three people. Why don't you save the money, and at least try this first. And maybe you can do it with a book. Maybe you can do it with a zoom call with me or, or bring me in. I got two shots next Tuesday got two shots, baby. I used to have two shots at the bar no shots in the arm. I can, I'm hoping I can get out and go on again by late summer fall, I hope that we're back in business. But I appreciate the plug in. Billy keep saying, now you're amazing time that you may not like my message. I don't know. I mean, you can, if you've been listening this for an hour, you kind of got the flavor. And there'll be the same sort of this isn't I don't have another speed. You know, I don't have a like more professional way to say this. This is what you get. And you're like, I would never bring him into my bank. Okay, then don't. But then…
Brian Chelminiak: you'd be missing out. If you didn’t.
Tom Cody: Know, maybe not. You're like you're just not professional enough. You need to wear a suit and tie and talk about the metacognitive Oh, okay. Well, I don't do that.
Billy Lahr: No, we actually, so we actually talked to Maurice Buchanan. Delico James over at work, Jim. And one of the 10 words that they listed was professional chameleon. And what they meant by that is they wanted to be able to dress the way that they wanted to dress and look the way that they wanted to look and diversify their business, the way that they wanted to diversify it because they wanted to stay true to their brand and who they are. And, and one of the things that we I feel like we pride ourselves on is finding guests who are genuine and authentic and are real. And Tom, you are as genuine and authentic and as real as they come and.
Brian Chelminiak: They love you for it.
Billy Lahr: So thank you so much.
Brian Chelminiak: And yeah, Tom, I agree with most of what you said. But I have a point of contention.
Tom Cody: Yeah.
Brian Chelminiak: You, sir, are a big deal.
Billy Lahr: Agree.
Tom Cody: Well agree. Would you keep that on tape? And I'll play it for my wife. She laughed. She thought I was funny from 1978 when we married to 1979, that's lafley. Are you just recycling jokes? No, no, and 70 he like he's the funniest person of all time. And then by 80, she's like, just shut up. Don't do your thing. You got a thing you're doing. I'm telling you. If we go out to a bar, after the training with me, or a coffee shop, whatever. It's the same thing. I mean, the you give me a microphone. I'll be a little more careful if I have a microphone, but it's pretty much you just kind of hearing me. And that's why this has been so easy for me to tell this story, because it's my story. How hard is that?
Billy Lahr: You know, you're a natural at it. Tom, we want to thank you so much for taking the time to speak with us today. You can go and check out www.top20 training.com to check out all of the things that Tom is talking about today. We're not that's not even the tip of the iceberg of the content that is in his books and in his presentations. And we may be touched on three or four things and though we don't we dove deep into those three or four things. They break it down in such an easy, metaphorical, user friendly way that as you're reading you'll be like, Oh, that's such an easy concept to remember. Forever. So check it out. Tom, you're the best. Thank you so much.
Tom Cody: Thanks, guys. Hey, let's keep up the good work. This is important stuff. Make sure you listen next week because they'll find somebody else give you a different slant on all this.
Billy Lahr: Thanks, Tom.
Tom Cody: See a call me in a month. See a.
Billy Lahr: Thanks for listening to the mindful midlife crisis. We will do our best to put out new content every Wednesday to help get you over the midweek com if you'd like to contact us, or if you have suggestions about what you'd like us to discuss, feel free to email us at mindful midlife. crisis@gmail.com or follow us on Instagram at mindful _midlife _crisis. Check out the show notes for links to the articles and resources we referenced throughout the show. Oh, and don't forget to show yourself some love every now and then. And now back to the show.
Welcome back to the mindful midlife crisis. Brian wood after we got done talking to Tom Cody, you were like Dude, and you are knocking it out of the park with these guests. What did you like so much about Tom?
Brian Chelminiak: As you mentioned in the first bumper, that guy was just extremely energetic and it inspires you to be a better person. Really, when you listen to him. You know what I mean? It's like he just has a way of putting perspective on things so that I really dig.
Billy Lahr: You said that you're actually thinking about having him come speak to your workers.
Brian Chelminiak: I'm thinking about it, too. Because it does. I know a lot of people that could use what he was talking about.
Billy Lahr: Yeah. And he has great books that you can check out to. He mentioned them in in the podcast, but we're gone mention them again. I strongly recommend that if you have teenagers, that you have them read top 20 teens, that is a great book for them to check out. And it's in the he actually has they actually have a top 20 parents book out there as well. They have top 20 books for every walk of life, their newest book is called rebalance thinking rebalanced living, I purchased that one not too long ago, I haven't read that one yet. It's on my shelf. It's one of the books that I'm going to read as I continue to move forward and, and try and be a better version of myself. So I will we'll probably revisit that and have Tom come back on and talk about some of the finer points in that book as well. So you can check out top 20 teams, that's a great book to purchase for your kids. They he has a book called top 20 parents, and then rebalanced thinking, rebalanced living. All of these are available at www.top 20 training.com. I like listening to Tom because I feel like he calls me out on my own bullshit and my own excuses. Like we talked about daylight savings time at the beginning of this episode. And how that has, for me, especially throw me for a little loop. And I have talked on this podcast, how much I despise winter. And Tom's like, suck it up, get over it, you live in Minnesota, you know, you should know, it shouldn't be a surprise from November to mid-March, that you're going to be cold and it's going to be dark.
Brian Chelminiak: Hey, Billy, we're in mid-March. Now.
Billy Lahr: I know that great it is. Here's the thing. As I look at daylight savings time, now, it's 534. And it's still like a lot of light,
Brian Chelminiak: A lot of light.
Billy Lahr: A lot of light out, you have to look at those opportunities, as well, as Tom would call it, you need to reframe how you see things, how you experience them. One of the things Tom has shared with me in the past is that if you don't change what you're doing, you're always going to get what you've always got. And that has helped me become more aware of how I see different situations. And really try to approach them with the top 20 mindset so that I am in my best way of thinking rather than when my thinking isn't serving my best needs. So I would highly encourage you to check out those books. If you have an opportunity to have Tom present to your staff or present to your school. Go to a training if you can. He's absolutely fantastic. We really, really thank him for being on our show. And we really thank you once again for listening to the first 10 episodes what we're calling season one, we're not going anywhere. We'll be right back with more episodes each Wednesday, and sometimes we'll have bonus episodes coming for you as well.
We hope you've enjoyed what we have put out there for you so far. For Brian, this is Billy Thank you for listening to the mindful midlife crisis and make you feel happy, healthy and loved. Take care of friends.